Food Network: You Need to Monitor Your Comments

Thanks to a friend of mine, I have discovered the most gut-bustingly funny set of comments on a blog I have ever read.

It all started with a Paula Deen recipe for English peas.  Paula’s mind blowingly complicated recipe made me long for the simplicity of Pythagorean’s theorem.  It is as follows:

Ingredients

  • 1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter
  • 2 cans (14 1/2-ounces) English peas, drained

Directions

Melt the butter in small pot and add the peas. Cook over medium heat until peas are warm.

That’s it.

As I write this post, there are more than 220 comments, many of which (most all, in fact) mock this recipe.  The comments are HILARIOUS and include some of those that I have posted below.

Quick note to the Food Network:  you might want to have someone monitor the comments on your Web site;  this has been a delicious opportunity to make fun of one Paula Deen.

Here are some of my favorite comments:

“Oh c’mon!! I’m so tired of these recipes that aren’t specific. Do I use salted or unsalted butter? How “small” is a small pot? Do I have to cover the pot or can I leave it uncovered? Can somebody who has made this recipe help me out? Also, I have checked every store around and I can’t find drained English Peas. All of them come with liquid!!!!

“I’ve always flirted with the idea of making canned peas, but assumed it would be too complicated. Thanks for de-mystifying it.

“I absolutely loved this! My only suggestion would be to puree the mixture so that it doesn’t clog your feeding tube. I really appreciate these recipes that are geared to those of us who no longer have the use of our tastebuds.

“The recipe above is going to cause severe tension to the USA & UK special relationship.  Here is the ‘recipe’ for cooking peas as the English do in the 21st century.
Take one bag of frozen peas, cut open the corner of the bag. No idea what the health and safety regs on this procedure are in USA – we just go with whatever lies to hand that might be sort of sharp, but then we do have the NHS to stitch us up for free if it all goes wrong. Add peas to boiling water in a pan.

Add a little salt if you really must, but we all know what salt does to BP, that’s blood pressure, not the guys who messed up a bit of your coastline. Properly cooked British peas really don’t need salt – trust me on this one.

As soon as the water comes back to the boil, proper boil mind you, none of that minor splopping at the edge, remove from the heat and drain using a colander.
Serve and eat.”

“This recipe was fantastic! I am a house cat, and after making this recipe I was able to speak english for roughly 30 seconds! I can’t wait to try this wimeow meow meow meow meow meow.

“Paula, thank you so much for the recipe. We just moved into our new double-wide mobile home, and I wanted to surprise my boyfriend and our five children with a special entree and side dish to celebrate. This was perfect. Not too hard to make. Just Wish I had time to make the side dish.

“This was unacceptably time consuming. Sticking holes in each of the peas and draining them just takes way too much time. Perhaps using a centrifuge might be a better solution.”

More hilarious comments here.

Mark

Image:  Delish.com

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Comments

  1. I guess I don’t understand. Anyone who can read a recipe, follow directions and smear goo on a plate that looks like vomit can cook. These cooks seem like basically nice persons but they are only cooks. That’s all and nothing more.

  2. Today on the Barefoot Contessa which my wife watches for laughs Ina was giving tips for outdoor grilling. One person wrote in asking what type of fruit would be good for grilling. This is so open-ended and begging for the right response that I’m not going to fill it in because there are far too jokesters better than I out there. Perhaps Ina should have thought this out before allowing such a question.

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