It’s the Holidays. Hire a Spammer.

I applaud the spirit of entrepreneurialism.  An aspiring genius sees a void, produces a product or service that fills that void and profits from it.  That’s the free market, right?

Oh – except when something annoys the living hell out of you, like spam.

Sure, I hate the offers from Nigerian royalty and people offering to enlarge my various body parts, but I could tolerate it when it came via email.  When Verizon (my ISP) lost a class-action suit AGAINST SPAMMERS – who was your lawyer on that one? — I began filtering all of my email through Gmail.  Their spam filter is a lot better than the sieve that is Verizon.  So I got that pesky email spam under control.

Then I created the blog that preceded this one – with an email address.  Whammo-bammo, hello Viagra and Cialis – AND FOR FREE!

So I created a CAPTCHA form.  More comment spam.  For this blog, Mr. Akismet tells me that he has kept me from 51,973 spam message.  Hey, thanks!

Then I got a Twitter account. When I started getting some  followers, pictures of scantily clad females with one post, following 12,000 people and with 200 (apparently stupid and desperate) followers showed up, I figured out how to block people.  And Amanda Chapel.  Twice.

Then I started testing on Twitter and would use the word “porn” in my Tweet just to see what happens.  Suddenly, I would gain 50 college coeds looking for a good time.  More spam.  W00T!

Now I use Posterous, and I am just waiting for these evil geniuses to catch up with me. But I have a solution:  HIRE THEM.

International Hire a Spammer Day

As an employer, you often seek those people who are most creative, profit-driven and willing to do what it takes to get your message out.  Hello, spammer job description!  U.S. lawmakers cracking down?  No problemo.  We’ll take our server and head offshore to somewhere where they don’t even know that have the Internet.  THAT’S the spirit of entreprenuerialism.

C’mon. It’s the holidays.  These poor guys living overseas want to come home from their villas and mansions and start helping the millions of idiots who click on these links every day.  Remember the movie “Catch Me If You Can,” when Tom Hanks hired Matt Damon to help catch forgers?   Same deal.  Hire the people you are chasing.

So if we make tomorrow International Hire a Spammer Day, we can take all of these poor, lost souls and show them the way of the righteous path.   Or, according to Robert Scoble, we could just have them do pitching for public relations agencies.

C’mon. Forget the widow and orphans.  Hire a spammer.


P.S. – Dear FTC:  this is satire.


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